Friends – let’s continue my odyssey into mediocrity though my consistent failures.
A very close friend told me last week about how his manager had said a few things which upset him during his performance review.
So instead of being an empathetic listener, I did this:
😮 I started asking him detailed questions about what was said
😫 I started trying to rationalise what the manager might have meant
😡 I started feeling angry and outraged on his behalf
🤧 I interjected with my own story of MY performance review
😠 I then tried to come up with solutions for my friend
Disappointing, no?
I should have done this instead:
💐 Just listened – actively, quietly, with no interjections
🌺 Made noises of support eg uh huh, oh no, that’s not great, I’m so sorry
🌻Avoided demonstrating my outrage, which made the conversation about me as a listener.
I should have assessed and ASKED him what he needed in that moment – whether it was someone who was just going to listen, to commiserate or to brainstorm solutions.
I FAILED to provide him with that he needed in that moment. I was not empathetic.
I don’t know what it is – but with this particular friend, all my empathy goes out the window. It’s like I’m always trying to hold him to a higher standard. I need to work on this particular failing this year.
What’s worse is that when he does the same thing to me, I don’t tolerate it for a second. Talk about double standards!
Thank you for supporting me on this journey, friends. Sigh. I will be better.
#failure #communication #bebettereveryday
